"Was that seat hot or what? I feel like a Whopper. Turn me over, I'm done on this side. I'm afraid to look at my ass. There'll be griddle marks." -Del (Planes, Trains & Automobiles - John Candy) My name is Captain Cat Sparrow and welcome to my blog...
Friday, 25 January 2013
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
His Possession
Right now as I sit here writing this to you I am someones possession.
He doesn't care about me, he wouldn't care if I fell and bumped my head.
He wouldn't even blink if I walked past him in the street.
His wife doesn't know about me.
That's how he wants it.
He tells me I can't say anything and he means it.
I love to watch him speak.
I'm being crazy.
I'm stupid for letting this happen.
I want to speak out but I don't know how.
I want to tell everyone what he does.
But I am secluded I am lost and afraid.
He only wants me then once he's done he tosses me aside like a used rag and walks away back into his family life like nothing ever happened.
Yet I'm still sitting here on the floor, his used rag doll.
Tears streaming down my face as I catch my reflection in the broken glass on the floor.
I reach for my iPod and boot up blogger...
It's my only release until next time...
I sit watching out the window at the rain and his face appears in my head, my body trembles.
His eyes pierce my skin, my clothes as I know he's watching me from behind.
I feel his hands on my shoulders...He's here again.
Here we go again...
I love him.
He hates me.
Am I a bad person for actively engaging and being the slut or slapper in this three way relationship?
Probably.
I'm scared of him, terrified of his touch as he tells me what he'll do if his wife finds out, more specifically to me as he lives not far away.
Whoever thought someone from our group "Borderlands" could be so evil and manipulative?
Here he is, ready for round two then?
Blogger...
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Sunday, 10 April 2011
Depression Of A Checkout Chic
Depression is something I don't think I've ever really truly admitted to myself, there are days when I wake up wondering why God lets me go on torturing myself in this way. I wake up wondering if depression is me with my own selfish desires not being played out and getting upset about it for no reason.
When I saw the doc the other day, she told me I was moderately depressed, I scored a 12 out of 27 for depression which basically means I'm moderately depressed. Sitting here thinking about the questions I had to answer on the "depression" test I wonder if I was being totally honest with her and myself.
I hate to go to anyone and talk about my problems, I hate the feeling of burdening someone else with all the hate I have for myself in my heart. But sometimes you just cant carry on the way you want to and have been fighting all this time.
Sometimes you have to wake up and believe that you really cant do this on your own, that someone needs to step in and help you deal with whatever the hell it is going through your head...I haven't reached that stage quite just yet.
I know I need help and the docs sending me to a therapist, but she didn't think I was at the stage where I needed anti-depressants. I dunno, I find myself down and depressed most days just recently and I'm struggling to make it through a day without feeling like the whole world has it in for me and that I'm a complete looser with nothing but pain to look forward to in her life.
Depression is such a hard thing to combat, I don't like people seeing me cry or in pain or helpless, I hate people fussing over me and telling me there here for me, it bugs the hell out of me. So if someone was looking at me from the outside in, they'd probably think I was just fine...Good that's exactly what depression wants you to make them think.
A part of me does too, I'll deal with it in my own time and in my own way, I don't need or want your help, get out of my life, leave me alone I've probably said all of these the last week or two. Saying it to someone else outside of your own circle can be patched up, but saying it to a family member goes deeper.
I just want space and closure, I never feel like I have closure on anything. I think a massive part of me - no matter what I do - I need closure on it, I start something and it bugs me if I don't finish it - theory.
Just writing on here has stopped me from sobbing my heart out and I guess that's a little bit more help than I've given myself all day.
I haven't fully understood what drew me here, I don't really understand what I'm writing about, but what I do know is that now, this time in my life I'm battling demons inside my head that nobody in this world could possibly understand but those that suffer with depression that doesn't come from an expected source. Fair enough if you have depression because you lost someone or because you cant face going work/out BECAUSE of someone, fair enough.
But this type of depression is horrible, this type of depression comes on late at night when your laying bed scaring yourself about what death is really like, not that your thinking of committing suicide, just that your scared what God is gonna say when you get there.
God forgive me, for I have sinned.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
When I saw the doc the other day, she told me I was moderately depressed, I scored a 12 out of 27 for depression which basically means I'm moderately depressed. Sitting here thinking about the questions I had to answer on the "depression" test I wonder if I was being totally honest with her and myself.
I hate to go to anyone and talk about my problems, I hate the feeling of burdening someone else with all the hate I have for myself in my heart. But sometimes you just cant carry on the way you want to and have been fighting all this time.
Sometimes you have to wake up and believe that you really cant do this on your own, that someone needs to step in and help you deal with whatever the hell it is going through your head...I haven't reached that stage quite just yet.
I know I need help and the docs sending me to a therapist, but she didn't think I was at the stage where I needed anti-depressants. I dunno, I find myself down and depressed most days just recently and I'm struggling to make it through a day without feeling like the whole world has it in for me and that I'm a complete looser with nothing but pain to look forward to in her life.
Depression is such a hard thing to combat, I don't like people seeing me cry or in pain or helpless, I hate people fussing over me and telling me there here for me, it bugs the hell out of me. So if someone was looking at me from the outside in, they'd probably think I was just fine...Good that's exactly what depression wants you to make them think.
A part of me does too, I'll deal with it in my own time and in my own way, I don't need or want your help, get out of my life, leave me alone I've probably said all of these the last week or two. Saying it to someone else outside of your own circle can be patched up, but saying it to a family member goes deeper.
I just want space and closure, I never feel like I have closure on anything. I think a massive part of me - no matter what I do - I need closure on it, I start something and it bugs me if I don't finish it - theory.
Just writing on here has stopped me from sobbing my heart out and I guess that's a little bit more help than I've given myself all day.
I haven't fully understood what drew me here, I don't really understand what I'm writing about, but what I do know is that now, this time in my life I'm battling demons inside my head that nobody in this world could possibly understand but those that suffer with depression that doesn't come from an expected source. Fair enough if you have depression because you lost someone or because you cant face going work/out BECAUSE of someone, fair enough.
But this type of depression is horrible, this type of depression comes on late at night when your laying bed scaring yourself about what death is really like, not that your thinking of committing suicide, just that your scared what God is gonna say when you get there.
God forgive me, for I have sinned.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Sometimes You Loose Track Of The Little Things
It's true you know, you can loose track if you don't pay enough attention as to what's going on around you, the little things make a big difference. I guess that's what I keep telling myself to explain why I can get on here today to talk to you lot, seeing as I haven't wrote like I promised I would.
I wanna start off with some good news, I wanna show off my gorgeous niece who I promised I'd show off when she was born but never got the chance. Things were so busy with her mum being hospital for a while after she was born, the fact that I had to be up at 4:30 in the morning to rush my bro to the hospital because she was in labour... It was a hectic week to say the least! Anyway at 3 months now here she is my gorgeous little lady Lily Mai Eva Hodgson :)
So anyway, I guess I should really get into the nitty gritty of why I came to wanna write this blog today, my dads been poorly the last week or so, not majorly just one thing after another really and its getting me down. A friend of mine lost her father not long ago, March time and it really got to me, the fact my dad isn't gonna be with us forever and that I'm really lucky to have him with us still after the cancer scares.
Although he's - I guess - in remission now, it doesn't dampen the fact that he's my dad and I'm a daddy's little girl and if anything should ever happen to him, I'd never find enough strength to keep myself going let alone my mum.
With all of that, I had a small car accident in Decemember on ice where I skidded and lost control of the car, crashing into a wooden fence. It's really effected me more than I understand or understood at the time. I find it near impossible to get through driving anywhere and back now without feeling anxious, nauseus and feeling like I'm going to black out behind the wheel.
It's a god awful feeling and I have absolutely no idea how to make it stop, so after coming home from a friends in tears the other night I've decided that I need councselling, I'm going to my GP's on tuesday to speak with her about a few things, so I'm going to ask her to send me to see some counsellor who can help me get through it.
My brother reakons I lost my confidence, he drove my car and told me the tracking was out (the steering wheel is turned to one side whilst driving supposedly in a straight line. Hence the tracking.) Anyway, I've found it really hard to talk about, so writing on here kind of gives me some relief, its amazing how much one little loss of control can bother you so much, it really bothered me and it still does, I wake up having nightmares about driving to work.
On top of all this my brother goes for his operation tomorrow, their gonna open him up and I dunno about him but I'm terrified, I keep having heart palpatations thinking about it. I dunno what I'd do if I lost my brother, he's like my rock even if he does talk to me like I'm an idiot sometimes. I love him, I'd give anything for it to be me instead, so he wouldnt have to go through the fear. I've been in hospital plenty of times when I was younger and so I guess in a way I'm used to it. But he's never been in and that really bugs the hell out of me, I dunno how me and my family are gonna make it through the next 24 hours hoping that he'll be okay.
On that side as well I hope that this operation stops him drinking and makes him not want to drik again. I've noticed with my family lately that he's drinking a lot more and to the point of getting drunk out of his head, it worries me and god I hope this operation will set him right about his drinking habbits before its too late.
Dad's supposed to be going to the hospital on Tuesday for the results of the cancerous tumors on his Kidneys, we're supposed to be finding out if their growing or not, but he developed gout in his toe on thursday and its spreading, making him really poorly, today I woke up and he had been sick all night and was/is running a temperature this evening, it feels like a nightmare world I'm living in right now.
Through all of this, I'm the one that's supposed to be strong, supposed to bring the family together, I feel like it's my responsibility to, but how the hell can I be strong when I'm so depressed? I've never admitted depression to anyone before not even myself, but honestly? I think I am, I feel down constantly, I'm crying when I listen to Andre Rieu play his violin on youtube, I'm even getting a lump in my throat just thinking about all the little things in life, you know those things you dont think about but have to in case you loose track?
Take care peeps.
xxx
I wanna start off with some good news, I wanna show off my gorgeous niece who I promised I'd show off when she was born but never got the chance. Things were so busy with her mum being hospital for a while after she was born, the fact that I had to be up at 4:30 in the morning to rush my bro to the hospital because she was in labour... It was a hectic week to say the least! Anyway at 3 months now here she is my gorgeous little lady Lily Mai Eva Hodgson :)
So anyway, I guess I should really get into the nitty gritty of why I came to wanna write this blog today, my dads been poorly the last week or so, not majorly just one thing after another really and its getting me down. A friend of mine lost her father not long ago, March time and it really got to me, the fact my dad isn't gonna be with us forever and that I'm really lucky to have him with us still after the cancer scares. Although he's - I guess - in remission now, it doesn't dampen the fact that he's my dad and I'm a daddy's little girl and if anything should ever happen to him, I'd never find enough strength to keep myself going let alone my mum.
With all of that, I had a small car accident in Decemember on ice where I skidded and lost control of the car, crashing into a wooden fence. It's really effected me more than I understand or understood at the time. I find it near impossible to get through driving anywhere and back now without feeling anxious, nauseus and feeling like I'm going to black out behind the wheel.
It's a god awful feeling and I have absolutely no idea how to make it stop, so after coming home from a friends in tears the other night I've decided that I need councselling, I'm going to my GP's on tuesday to speak with her about a few things, so I'm going to ask her to send me to see some counsellor who can help me get through it.
My brother reakons I lost my confidence, he drove my car and told me the tracking was out (the steering wheel is turned to one side whilst driving supposedly in a straight line. Hence the tracking.) Anyway, I've found it really hard to talk about, so writing on here kind of gives me some relief, its amazing how much one little loss of control can bother you so much, it really bothered me and it still does, I wake up having nightmares about driving to work.
On top of all this my brother goes for his operation tomorrow, their gonna open him up and I dunno about him but I'm terrified, I keep having heart palpatations thinking about it. I dunno what I'd do if I lost my brother, he's like my rock even if he does talk to me like I'm an idiot sometimes. I love him, I'd give anything for it to be me instead, so he wouldnt have to go through the fear. I've been in hospital plenty of times when I was younger and so I guess in a way I'm used to it. But he's never been in and that really bugs the hell out of me, I dunno how me and my family are gonna make it through the next 24 hours hoping that he'll be okay.
On that side as well I hope that this operation stops him drinking and makes him not want to drik again. I've noticed with my family lately that he's drinking a lot more and to the point of getting drunk out of his head, it worries me and god I hope this operation will set him right about his drinking habbits before its too late.
Dad's supposed to be going to the hospital on Tuesday for the results of the cancerous tumors on his Kidneys, we're supposed to be finding out if their growing or not, but he developed gout in his toe on thursday and its spreading, making him really poorly, today I woke up and he had been sick all night and was/is running a temperature this evening, it feels like a nightmare world I'm living in right now.
Through all of this, I'm the one that's supposed to be strong, supposed to bring the family together, I feel like it's my responsibility to, but how the hell can I be strong when I'm so depressed? I've never admitted depression to anyone before not even myself, but honestly? I think I am, I feel down constantly, I'm crying when I listen to Andre Rieu play his violin on youtube, I'm even getting a lump in my throat just thinking about all the little things in life, you know those things you dont think about but have to in case you loose track?
Take care peeps.
xxx
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
I'll Be Home For Christmas
Hey all,
Long time no speak! I realized the other day how long it’s been since I last posted to my blog, where has the time gone people?? I can’t believe how quick this year has gone; it feels just like yesterday since it was turning into 2010.
So much has happened this year, it’s almost surreal to even think about it all now, looking back. I feel like I’ve grown a little inside my head these past few months, like a part of me is real to my heart once again. I dunno if that makes sense, its 08:20am and I’m running on 8 hours sleep in 3 days at the moment.
Gemma (my sis in law) and my brother Tom are off to the hospital today to have a baby! Well to get it started anyway, Lilly Mae, all being well it’s a girl as I have brought only girl things! Lol.
So I'm majorly excited about being an auntie again, I’m glad I’ll be getting to see more of Lilly Mae growing up than I did my other nephews and Niece, they live further away and their mom doesn’t drive so its not like when they were born she could just pop in for a coffee…
Either way I love them and have a bond with them like you wouldn’t believe, their my life. The picture below was drawn by my niece Tamara, the day before Bonfire night and just before we took her to fairy school.
The picture below is from the fairy school experience we took her on. She looks so adorable and strangely the spitting image of me when I was young….
That was awesome; on a side note my dad’s doing well by the way, he looks a lot healthier than he did before we found out about eh bowel cancer return. We still have to be concerned about the lump on his kidney, but so long as it doesn’t grow and fester, we’ll hopefully make it through.
I don’t really have much else to talk about on any other subject; my personal life is okay, as ever I’m lost in my own little world, wondering where I fit in, in the real world. I watched this the other day:
And Towards the end, when it starts to get mushy…Okay look away now if you don’t want to see spoilers for Shrek 4……………
When Fiona’s leaning down over Shrek, after he saves her and the other Ogre’s, when his day is almost up and he’s about to fade into non-existence, there’s an exchange of words between him and Fiona before Shrek says…And I quote…
“You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you…All over again.”
I don’t know why or how, because I’m never really that sentimental in Shrek films, but that touched my heart and made me sob. In fact the whole of that ending sequence made me sob and I felt like someone was ripping my heart out.
There’s been a few times in my life, where I’ve wished I could relive that one moment in my life, that one special infinite moment that you wish for as a child, especially as girl child.
But that one statement, that one line from Shrek, even though it touched my heart, it also made me realize how much in the past I’m living. When you’re a young girl, you believe in fairy tales and dreams come true, even without the magic of Disney, every girl believes she’s gonna grow up to be either rescued by her handsome prince charming on white steed or find out she really is a princess, or marry a prince or whatever, but there’s that one defining moment in every girls life when she realizes…Well she realizes that fairy tales aren’t real, their just made up things to keep kids quiet for half an hour, or to make them go to sleep or to…Make them feel special I guess for a few minutes.
It’s like when you find out Santa Claus isn’t real, or the tooth fairy…Not to say I believed in that stuff forever, I found out young. I think my obsession with living in a dream world started actually when I was young and my brother told me once that Santa Claus wasn’t real and dad ate the cookies and carrots.
I think that was the first time in my life that I remember ever feeling the true horror of this world, it was awful. Anyway, I guess we all have to learn and wake up to reality at some point, but I guess in my heart, I always believe that one day I’ll wake up and my prince charming will be waiting for me.
My first thought after thinking that after watching that bit in Shrek, was that I had to stop believing in the fairy tales Disney promote and start living in the real world, but if that means making myself believe I’m not as complete as I should be for a girl my age, if that means I have to stop believing in dreams can come true part of my brain…
Well I think I’d rather be called an ugly loner, hermit with no friends and completely disillusioned. If there’s one thing I always carry it’s that I know I couldn’t bring a child into this cruel world, wherever the child I could have had is, I know that at least there its not make believe, dreams come true wherever they are and how awful would it be to rip them out of that existence and force them to live in this world?
Maybe it’s healthy to believe in your dreams.
I’ll be back soon with baby photo’s, as soon as I get a chance to snap some anyway ;)
Take care all speak soon!
Long time no speak! I realized the other day how long it’s been since I last posted to my blog, where has the time gone people?? I can’t believe how quick this year has gone; it feels just like yesterday since it was turning into 2010.
So much has happened this year, it’s almost surreal to even think about it all now, looking back. I feel like I’ve grown a little inside my head these past few months, like a part of me is real to my heart once again. I dunno if that makes sense, its 08:20am and I’m running on 8 hours sleep in 3 days at the moment.
Gemma (my sis in law) and my brother Tom are off to the hospital today to have a baby! Well to get it started anyway, Lilly Mae, all being well it’s a girl as I have brought only girl things! Lol.
So I'm majorly excited about being an auntie again, I’m glad I’ll be getting to see more of Lilly Mae growing up than I did my other nephews and Niece, they live further away and their mom doesn’t drive so its not like when they were born she could just pop in for a coffee…
Either way I love them and have a bond with them like you wouldn’t believe, their my life. The picture below was drawn by my niece Tamara, the day before Bonfire night and just before we took her to fairy school.
The picture below is from the fairy school experience we took her on. She looks so adorable and strangely the spitting image of me when I was young….
That was awesome; on a side note my dad’s doing well by the way, he looks a lot healthier than he did before we found out about eh bowel cancer return. We still have to be concerned about the lump on his kidney, but so long as it doesn’t grow and fester, we’ll hopefully make it through.
I don’t really have much else to talk about on any other subject; my personal life is okay, as ever I’m lost in my own little world, wondering where I fit in, in the real world. I watched this the other day:
And Towards the end, when it starts to get mushy…Okay look away now if you don’t want to see spoilers for Shrek 4……………
When Fiona’s leaning down over Shrek, after he saves her and the other Ogre’s, when his day is almost up and he’s about to fade into non-existence, there’s an exchange of words between him and Fiona before Shrek says…And I quote…
“You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you…All over again.”
I don’t know why or how, because I’m never really that sentimental in Shrek films, but that touched my heart and made me sob. In fact the whole of that ending sequence made me sob and I felt like someone was ripping my heart out.
There’s been a few times in my life, where I’ve wished I could relive that one moment in my life, that one special infinite moment that you wish for as a child, especially as girl child.
But that one statement, that one line from Shrek, even though it touched my heart, it also made me realize how much in the past I’m living. When you’re a young girl, you believe in fairy tales and dreams come true, even without the magic of Disney, every girl believes she’s gonna grow up to be either rescued by her handsome prince charming on white steed or find out she really is a princess, or marry a prince or whatever, but there’s that one defining moment in every girls life when she realizes…Well she realizes that fairy tales aren’t real, their just made up things to keep kids quiet for half an hour, or to make them go to sleep or to…Make them feel special I guess for a few minutes.
It’s like when you find out Santa Claus isn’t real, or the tooth fairy…Not to say I believed in that stuff forever, I found out young. I think my obsession with living in a dream world started actually when I was young and my brother told me once that Santa Claus wasn’t real and dad ate the cookies and carrots.
I think that was the first time in my life that I remember ever feeling the true horror of this world, it was awful. Anyway, I guess we all have to learn and wake up to reality at some point, but I guess in my heart, I always believe that one day I’ll wake up and my prince charming will be waiting for me.
My first thought after thinking that after watching that bit in Shrek, was that I had to stop believing in the fairy tales Disney promote and start living in the real world, but if that means making myself believe I’m not as complete as I should be for a girl my age, if that means I have to stop believing in dreams can come true part of my brain…
Well I think I’d rather be called an ugly loner, hermit with no friends and completely disillusioned. If there’s one thing I always carry it’s that I know I couldn’t bring a child into this cruel world, wherever the child I could have had is, I know that at least there its not make believe, dreams come true wherever they are and how awful would it be to rip them out of that existence and force them to live in this world?
Maybe it’s healthy to believe in your dreams.
I’ll be back soon with baby photo’s, as soon as I get a chance to snap some anyway ;)
Take care all speak soon!
Thursday, 1 April 2010
Whistle Your Way Back Home
I don't really know why I'm sat here at gone 2am still wondering why I haven't gone to bed and yet deciding to write on here. Probably because I know I haven't got to get up at 5:30am to go to work in the morning.
That's the thing when you have time off, you make the most of each day, each day is so special that you just don't care what time you go to bed, just so long as you can have one extra minute in this day before the next.
I'm happy tonight, very happy, my dad had his operation today to remove his cancer...We all sat around all day at home waiting for anything, any sign or any news that he was okay, that the operation had been a success, that he'd be out of the theatre before too long...Well he was prepared and left the ward at just after 12 in the afternoon, he had to wait until 3/3:30 in the pre-op area then he was taken in and the wonderful Dr. Hemingway did his thing and finally at around 6:20pm this evening he was back in the recovery room being woken up by the nurses and doctors.
Me and mum and the family have been ringing non-stop all day trying to find out information, almost every hour another of us was on the phone grilling anyone we could get our hands on for info how dad was doing. Everyone had said today that last night (Tuesday) they hadn't slept and neither had me or mum. Everyone did things today to keep their minds occupied, but me and mum just sat around most of the day waiting.
There didn't seem much point in doing anything else, I wanted to be with my dad, I'd have given anything to be there in his place today. I wished all day that it would've been me. One of my sisters said that she prayed to my Nana last night and begged her not to take him yet...It looked like it worked! Thank you Nana....
Dad came out of the op looking a little worse for wear, I've seen him better...This was massive operation for him, not your every day little cough and cold but a major thing for him to under go, we're not out of the hot water yet and though he looked a little better than expected tonight, we still have one foot in that hot water and the next few days are critical to his eventual recovery.
I love my dad, as any girl loves her dad... I'm a daddies girl and I always will be, he gives me so much more than I could ever ask for and he always has and that's something I'd never be able to pay back with just love alone.
We shared a glass of vodka tonight with brother and sister in law and mum. We drank to dads health, to the relief and to the fight that still go's on... There's a long road from A to B but he'll not be alone, at least now we can help him in every way possible. Dr. Hemingway did the hard part by removing the cancerous part of his bowel... Now I guess it's all up to god.
Now that we're coming up to Easter I doubt I'll get a chance to wish you all a very happy Easter, so I do so now and thank you all for you continued and tireless support that you all have given me, good friends the best of friends... Even though we had our differences you all stuck by me and gave me and my family constant support and I know I wouldn't have made it this far without you. Let's just say at least you had the decency to ask if he was okay, which is more than I can say about others.
Thank you anyway, to you all now is the time to recover and gain back those moments, for now we live to fight another day.
Thank you Jesus.
All my love guys xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
That's the thing when you have time off, you make the most of each day, each day is so special that you just don't care what time you go to bed, just so long as you can have one extra minute in this day before the next.
I'm happy tonight, very happy, my dad had his operation today to remove his cancer...We all sat around all day at home waiting for anything, any sign or any news that he was okay, that the operation had been a success, that he'd be out of the theatre before too long...Well he was prepared and left the ward at just after 12 in the afternoon, he had to wait until 3/3:30 in the pre-op area then he was taken in and the wonderful Dr. Hemingway did his thing and finally at around 6:20pm this evening he was back in the recovery room being woken up by the nurses and doctors.
Me and mum and the family have been ringing non-stop all day trying to find out information, almost every hour another of us was on the phone grilling anyone we could get our hands on for info how dad was doing. Everyone had said today that last night (Tuesday) they hadn't slept and neither had me or mum. Everyone did things today to keep their minds occupied, but me and mum just sat around most of the day waiting.
There didn't seem much point in doing anything else, I wanted to be with my dad, I'd have given anything to be there in his place today. I wished all day that it would've been me. One of my sisters said that she prayed to my Nana last night and begged her not to take him yet...It looked like it worked! Thank you Nana....
Dad came out of the op looking a little worse for wear, I've seen him better...This was massive operation for him, not your every day little cough and cold but a major thing for him to under go, we're not out of the hot water yet and though he looked a little better than expected tonight, we still have one foot in that hot water and the next few days are critical to his eventual recovery.
I love my dad, as any girl loves her dad... I'm a daddies girl and I always will be, he gives me so much more than I could ever ask for and he always has and that's something I'd never be able to pay back with just love alone.
We shared a glass of vodka tonight with brother and sister in law and mum. We drank to dads health, to the relief and to the fight that still go's on... There's a long road from A to B but he'll not be alone, at least now we can help him in every way possible. Dr. Hemingway did the hard part by removing the cancerous part of his bowel... Now I guess it's all up to god.
Now that we're coming up to Easter I doubt I'll get a chance to wish you all a very happy Easter, so I do so now and thank you all for you continued and tireless support that you all have given me, good friends the best of friends... Even though we had our differences you all stuck by me and gave me and my family constant support and I know I wouldn't have made it this far without you. Let's just say at least you had the decency to ask if he was okay, which is more than I can say about others.
Thank you anyway, to you all now is the time to recover and gain back those moments, for now we live to fight another day.
Thank you Jesus.
All my love guys xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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