Forward Thinking

Hey all hows it goin'?

I'm in passive mood tonight, sitting here smoking a cig and munching some lindt chocolate. I felt the need to write a bit tonight, maybe write about what I've been up to, stuff that's been happening in the world of Cat.

I feel like I've been trapped in this bubble just recently - not a bad bubble, just a bubble. Go to work, come home, chat to my friends, go bed, go work, come home.... You get the picture, it's not that I don't enjoy it, I do! But its just like being in a bubble or rather going around in circles... I'm glad this week though, the ten hour shift I have to do on Friday has been cut down by 3 3/4 hours so I'm only working till 5:15 instead of 8! Thank god... It's a long day 10 hours!

So in other news - My dad's finally broke! I knew the year's of persistent torture would finally pay off....Yes believe it or not we are getting a puppy! A Labrador puppy to be exact, hopefully a chocolate coloured one. But with the puppies costing around £300 it's not going to be until the end of September when we do get one, all the same I am dead excited about getting a puppy! :D

Things at home seem to have settled down a little now, not so... Outrageous, which I'm glad about but also hopeful this isn't the calm before the storm kind of thing. Probably just me over-analyzing things again, but meh we'll see.

Bar working and paying bills and doing the Friday big shop (as Peter Kay says) I've been doing sweet nothing. Well except chatting to the friends online, man they make me laugh some days. Been having a massive row on the main boards just lately though - but thankfully one of my mates sorted it out and well I've kind of simmered down a bit now.

I've had two sets of bad news today, I'm waiting for a third...I'm a great believer of bad things come in three's and well we'll just have to wait and see what the next thing is. Fate work's in mysterious ways so take care my friends and much love to you all xxx



Currently Listening To: Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm

Skype

Just a quickie folks, got to go to work soon.


I had a fantastic day yesterday, if you haven't used skype before, you should its absolutely wicked! Basically (for those of you who don't know what skype is) it's a free downloadable chat program that allows you to chat to your friends via mic or headset over the Internet.

Yesterday (well Saturday actually) I was asked to come join in a Podcast by some fellow Internet friends, basically we just talked about what we love writing about (not going into it) but it was absolutely excellent!

Although I messed up the reading of a post, but apart from that it went well :) Also after we'd recorded I got to talk to one of my closest friends in Canada and we must have spoken for like what an hour? Or just over anyway, I was so nervous though as I said before I don't do conversations, but for some reason I felt completely relaxed with him and the two guys I did the Podcast with.

Best thing about Skype is it's free and with a decent set of headphones, its as clear as a bell I recommend it to anyone who'd rather not pay for a phone call! If anyone wants to know more about it, or wants to chat to me on skype let me know!

Okay so now I've promoted Skype to death I'm off, take care all :)



Currently Listening To: End Of The Line - Travelling Wilbury's

The Tracks Of My Tears

I've been thinking about crying a lot lately, though I've not actually got around to actually physically doing it. Not until tonight anyway. Been one of them days today - when I feel like everyone is blaming everything that could and does go wrong on me.

I keep to myself a lot in my outside of a PC life. I'm pretty quiet at work, but I have such a hard time with conversations. I hate it. I find making conversation is like trying to stuff a thousand words into a shell - if one could put words into a shell that is.

But somehow I seem to muddle by, trying everything I know to make myself speak to say absolutely anything even if it's just about the weather. I know in my line of work your supposed to have a talkative personality, to be able to thrust yourself into any situation and be able to deal with it head on, and sometimes you know I am, I can do it with ease.

But quite a lot of the time I find myself hoping others will carry on the conversation or that the conversation will dry up and I'll be left staring at this person or looking around wondering what the heck I can say.

Its something I've struggled with for a long time, mostly due to the fact I'm shy - incredibly shy and venerable, I'm an open wound that refuses to heal that refuses to go away.

I often am asked why I spend so much time inside, or in front of a PC. Sometimes its a hard question to answer, especially when it comes from someone in my family. The only response I know really is that its what I want to do, its my life let me be.

But I know deep down the truth is I just feel safe here, on here I'm a totally different person, I'm everyone 's friend, a shoulder to lean on, a best mate, a leader and a strong unbelievable character whose failures in the real world seem to fade away and become non existent.

I love my online friends dearly, I trust them 10 times over than real friends - bar a selected few - without them all the pain and suffering that I keep hidden away from my real friends, my real family would have devoured me long ago, making me unstable.

They've been there for me, seen the good - and the worst of me and I know they've seen the tracks of my tears - wrapped a virtual arm around my shoulder and told me it'll all be okay.

Somehow it makes it all better... Somehow I'm someones friend in Canada, in the USA and even in the Netherlands. We're all so close, so trusting of one another and we all share the one secret - nobody knows who we really are outside - they know who we are.... Inside.

Peace all xxx



Currently listening to: Sarah McLaughlin - Arms Of The Angels

Lugia's Song Or Rather Fall At Your Feet

...Some songs I've been listening to lately, I swear it's coming to that time of the month again I'm getting into a mood really easily. So anyway I wanted to waffle a little about what's been happening with moi lately.

So I went to see the new X-Files movie with my mate, absolutely awesome, awesome, AWESOME movie, well that's if you like the X-Files and have watched it enough to see the whole Mulder and Scully relationship grow and blossom. Seeing this new film really brought a smile to my face, I had to laugh at all of Mulder's quips, though Scully seemed a little different, a little off what I remember.

I saw them on Richard and Judy the Wednesday before I went to see the the film and they looked and spoke comfortably together which is always promising. Though the only bits that narked me about this film and MAJOR SPOILER WARNING AHEAD DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO GO SEE IT, I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S SAFE OKAY? lol




Gonna make this part the same colour as the background just in case.

So the bits that pissed me off about X-Files: I want to believe

Mulder stuff - Meh, not too much Mulder stuff to complain about, he looks older but that's about it really, his classic line "what's up doc?" to Scully in the opening shot of them together was great, but different, so very different. All in all I think he rocked, same old Mulder.

Scully stuff - Okay here's where it gets serious, Scully was a little deadpan, she seemed a little moody, a little off beat but I'm not too bothered by it strangely enough. She said it was really hard for her coming back after 6 years, trying to find Scully again and I can imagine it would be, but I don't know maybe it was Chris Carter fault for giving her poor lines? Also she was a little too quick to rock the boat with Mulder and their relationship - not true Scully style at all.

Billy Connolly stuff - Or a lack thereof should I say, where was he in this film!?!? Basically everything that's in the trailer is about as much as he gets in this film. I adore Billy Connolly, as a stand up comedian on a stage he makes me cry, in films that I've seen him in, this one now included, I've always loved the variety of his performance. But seriously was it worth hiring Billy for the amount of what you saw of him in the film?

Other characters - Or missing people, Mitch Pileggi got a five second cameo at the end of the film in a scene where he gets to cuddle a freezing Mulder? Oh and of course the scene in the car with Scully? Not enough. And whose idea was it to bring in Xibit and Amanda Peet into the mix? What about Monica Reyes and John Doggett? I don't care what they would have had to do to get them back in it, they SHOULD have been in it! The missing faces of The Lone Gunmen hit home with me too, I loved those guys and the scene in 'The End' season 9 made me cry.

The film overall - Was it a film or just a two part episode? The film looked and felt like it was on a tight budget, the action scenes were far and few and really Mulder and Scully were pasted in more often to cut down on special effects (hence the bed scene and Scully's classic line: "Itchy beard ugh") I loved the film, don't get me wrong but it's definitely not what I was expecting.





OKAY YOU CAN LOOK NOW!

So I've talked X-Files, I'm not going on about it now. Aside from the great night out with my best mate, I haven't really done much bar go to work. I think now's a good time to cut this post off, even though I promised more I need to go bed it's late, I may write again tomorrow.

Take care all xx


Currently Listening to: A man has dreams - David Tomlinson

A Man Has Dreams Of Walking With Giants...

...This song has come to mean a lot to me, as funny as it sounds that I'd choose this particular song to fit my unwanted needs for support. I'm having one of 'those' moments again tonight, this song seems to be the only song played on my media player at the moment, so without further adieu, I'll proceed to sing it for you....(no really I'm going to sing it! Cover your ears then...)

****

A man has dreams of walking with giants,
To carve his niche in the edifice of time,
Before the mortar of his zeal, has a chance to congeal,
The cup is dashed from his lips,
The flame is snuffed aborning,
He's brought to rack and ruin in his prime

My world was calm, well ordered, exemplary,
Then came this person, with chaos in her wake,
And now my life's ambitions go, with one fell blow,
It's quite a bitter pill... to take

You've got to grind, grind, grind at that grindstone,
Though childhood slips like sand through a sieve,
And all too soon they've up and grown,
And then they've flown...
And it's too late for you to give...


****

Okay so for those of you who know what that song is from (500 brownie points for emailing me the right answer lol edit: and no looking it up! I'll know if you have!) You'll notice I've missed some sections of the song out, not really anything important but important enough to the song. I did this because these parts of the song are what stands out to me and makes this song important to me.

Just lately my brother's been on my mind a lot and I dunno if he reads this (probably not) but if he does, well I guess I just want you to know I'm your sister and I'm here for you you may be my big brother, but that doesn't mean you cant come to me when the walls fall down.

I've got a bit of toothache tonight, think I'll head to bed and sleep it off. Take care all I promise I'll have a half decent post out soon. xxx



Currently listening to: that brownie points song, not gonna tell you cos then you'd know the answer ;)