Take her to Sea Mr Murdoch, Let's Stretch Her Legs

Hey all, hows it goin?



Had a fantastic past couple of days, really great week in all honesty. Aside from the usual dramatic family life I spent the Sunday previous to my brother's birthday getting drunk, and from what I've been told almost falling off a chair outside? Lol, do not remember that???

Pay day came too late for me this month, was forced into having to buy my brother's birthday present on the Friday after his birthday (his birthday being the Wednesday) but it turned out to be my lucky charm actually, after managing a last moment shift change, I could have Friday off and go up town with one of my bestest best friends and sufficed to say I had a blast!

Don't you just hate bubble (glass) elevators though? I'm terrified of heights so I found myself gripping on for dear life as the lift went down from the third level, opening my eyes and realizing everyone outside could see me cowering in fear. Damn.

None the less I managed to hold my own and won the elevator ride to the bottom, shopping around with my best mate for a present for bro. I managed to buy him a nice shirt from Burton (I think) which I'm not sure he whether he liked or not. A DVD of Peter Kay live at the top of the tower (which he'd seen already but said he didn't mind) and a Clubland CD which I'm not sure if he's listened to or not yet.


Either way I'm thinking it turned out rather nice after town we went food shopping and did the whole ordeal that was. After spraying everyone with a broken coke a cola bottle that dropped off the checkout, we left and headed home, unpacking, eating a McDonald's, chatting in my room for a few hours watching Titanic - still moving at 90mph (inside joke lmao)

I want to talk about Titanic if I may for a second, I promise I'll try not bore the pants off you with it.

1st Officer William Murdoch (see picture above) - wow!



Okay if you haven't seen Titanic by now your seriously deprived of a Television and or Video recorder/DVD Player - so just for those unlucky few - SPOILER WARNING AHEAD, I'll let you know when it's safe to read again ;) I'll make the text the same colour as the background so just highlight the below text to read it.




I mean really WOW, this guy, portrayed by the infamous Ewan Stewart - (who rightly deserves more credit than he gets as an actor) portrayed Murdoch in a absolutely fantastic light, I swooned over him whilst my mate swooned over Leo. In all honesty I don't get Leo's appeal, he a rubbish actor (sorry to my mate whose might read this and hate me for dissing Leo) But he lacks appeal, I love characters to have in depth appeal, I feel that Leo (Jack Dawson in Titanic) over dramatised the role, he over acts in almost everything he does, almost as if he's trying to be the next Tom Cruise or Richard Gere, it doesn't appeal to me, but this man did. The first time I watched Titanic - I remember crying way before everyone else did, unsure of why. The music, surely, set's everyone off and of course the fact you know it's a true story (bar the over dramatic love affair between Jack and Rose.)

I remember crying when Murdoch tried to use sheer will to turn the ship, trying to avoid the iceberg. But I remember crying even more when he shot himself after shooting another man, not only did it seriously downgrade Ewan's character, it was a WRONGFUL portrayal of what history dictated as the death of 1st officer William Murdoch.

History states and I quote directly from wiki: "After Titanic disappeared into the Atlantic Ocean on the morning of 15 April 1912, nothing more was ever seen of 1st Officer William Murdoch. His body, if recovered, was never identified. Within days of the disaster, several crew members and passengers began to speak of a suicide that occurred near the end of Titanic's sinking. It was initially unclear of who may have committed suicide, some claiming it was Captain Smith, Chief Officer Wilde, or Murdoch. However, these accounts are unconfirmed. Several members of the crew, including the ship's lamp trimmer, Samuel Hemming, and Second Officer Charles Lightoller said they saw Murdoch hard at work attempting to free Collapsible A from the falls on the Boat Deck just before the bridge submerged in the final stages of the sinking, when a huge wave washed him overboard into the sea. Surviving wireless operator Harold Bride later stated that he saw Murdoch nearby Collapsible Lifeboat "B," but that he died in the water.


In both the 1996 and 1997 films, Murdoch committed suicide. The 1997 film depicted Murdoch taking — but later rejecting — a bribe from first-class passenger Caledon Hockley; and shooting a third-class man dead in a mob on the deck. The horrified Murdoch then salutes Chief Officer Henry Wilde and commits suicide. After film producers refused to take out Murdoch's suicide scene, studio executives later flew to Murdoch's hometown to issue an apology for this depiction to his surviving relatives."

Murdoch was a hero I truly believe that, and his WRONGFUL portrayal in James Cameron's film angered me as did the fact that he had a chance to make a really good movie. Instead your left with scenes such as attempted suicide and paintings of naked women?? Is this what movie making has come down to? Never the less as per usual I did enjoy the film overall, save for the Rose and Jack parts, now that I really have bored the pants off you I'll shut up about it ;)



SPOILER END You can look again now ;)


So after a fun filled Friday and a work filled Saturday - I still forgot to buy my friends birthday present when I went up town! Grr, just remembered today actually - father's day of course.

I've promised my father I'd take him to the garden center tomorrow to let him get what he wants- I brought him some chocolates and a card as per usual though, which he was unable to eat any because of a sugar test tomorrow at the doctors! But no doubt he'll be digging into them before too long.

That's really all I have to say, take care all!



Currently listening to: John Williams - Jurassic Park Theme

Musings Of A Cat

Do you ever get that feeling of complete and utter emotional emotion? It's hard to explain, just when you feel so low, so down that you just feel drained of energy, in fact you hate yourself for being down in the first place.

For a couple of nights now I've been having dreams, weird dreams of falling. I'm afraid of heights and am contributing the fact I'm dreaming of falling because it's playing on my sub-conscious mind. But I wonder sometimes if it means something else, something deeper is niggling at the back of my mind, shouting something at me I can't hear. I want to but...There's always a but.

I'm feeling a little down tonight, have you guessed? I think it's probably because its either coming to that time of the month, or, I'm just feeling my usual crappy self. I've mentioned before, about analyzing every single detail of what happens no matter how big or small it is. I think sitting here quietly tonight is making me reflect upon things so much, I hate doing it, my friends will ask me what's wrong, but I'll just say "nah I'm fine, serious, just a little tired." And that'll be that, I have a hard time expressing my emotions in front of people, only recently have I learnt this.

Some people find it easy to cry in front of others, break out into a wail and sob their pretty little hearts out. I'm not like that, It takes a lot for me to cry in front of someone, other than my parents, mostly my mum. I think if I'm honest to myself, the only person I ever feel comfortable crying in front of is my brother. Weird, really weird, we're close, as any normal brother and sister are, but we don't really ever spend that much time together, not anymore.

I remember a lot about growing up, but one thing that stays with me is the connection that I've formed with him, he'd laugh if he read this, tell me I was stupid probably; but that's just how it is. He's always been there for me, he's always stuck up for me, looked out for me (maybe that's just a brother thing?) We've had a few laughs, when he made custard (badly) and made me try it! I'll never forget that. But as life goes, he grew up 5 years ahead of me, I think we drifted apart somewhere along the way, drink and girls and clubs became his life, I just wanted to fit in.

In a way I envy my brother, that he can just be so confident, so positive, so mature and strong in everything he does, so skilled in his job, successful family and kids, and have so much going for him. I envy that, I wish I had his courage, I wish I was smart and appealing like him, with a huge mound of friends who care, I wish I had the confidence to do what he does, he really does amaze me sometimes.

I find myself lacking in self confidence particularly this week, as "the birthday" draws ever nearer I'm reminded of my age and my success. I don't want a lovely life yet, I don't want to move out of home, I don't want to have a family, I have everything I need, I have something, something nobody else could ever understand, something so amazing I just cant put it in to words and never will.

I've been thinking about the future today, what I see myself doing a long time from now. I think I know where I want to be at, it's just a matter of getting over the hurdles before the race starts. I can do it I know I can and I'm positive that it will all work out in the end, when god closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.

Peace all! Take care xxx


Currently listening to: Nickleback - Far Away

Rhythm Is A Dancer

Hey all, how's it goin?



It's been a long few days, I seem to have run out of energy quicker than usual this week and I keep getting headaches, maybe I should go to bed earlier? lol



Apologies for my ranting in my previous post, I seem to go off one and can't stop myself. Well plans are in motion now for that meet up with my friend I talked about, (she'll know who she is if she's reading this.) We're set up for a night of Titanic watching, eating pizza and having a good old laugh, I'm really looking forward to it, I spend way too much time alone these days.



I want to ask though, why is it you can have a totally random thought right when you least expect it? For some reason, a friend of mine popped into my head today; he died of cancer a while back, but he just came to me off the cuff and completely unexpected. I miss him, of course, but we were not really that close, we had a few laughs and on the long drive to work would talk about everything under the sun, he taught me a few of life's lessons.



Onto a lighter note, England football. I watched the England Vs USA match the other day, I was bored at first, poor quality, not much to say for their style, but they did pick up (glad about that) and went on to win 2-0. I really think our England team get's it easy, other teams seem to spend so much more time training, we seem to think the 'relaxed don't wear them out' approach works best, but clearly it does not. 'Big up' to John Terry, I think he's doing well this year.





I've got right into 90's music this week, Scatman John, Eurodance and even sinking as low as listening to Vengaboys and S Club 7 (??) Must be one of them weeks I figure. I never really liked this music when I was growing up; I was more into watching TV and messing about in my room or with my friends than I was with music. But then my brother was dead set into rave, or trance or whatever it was, so I guess it kind of filtered through leaving a mark on my brain somewhere so that I could say now that I DO like this music. It's funny how certain things happen, how fate leads you to where you have to be, was it fate that I'm sat here tonight? If I had chosen a different path in my life, gone against the grain, made different choices; would I be sat here right now writing this?



I am a strong believer in fate and what goes around comes around. I'm also a believer in God, surprisingly enough my faith lies somewhere inside of me, makes me think about....Well everything really, I question if what I do is right a lot, I blame myself for all the things I do which I know are wrong, though I don't show it, not to a single person, I bottle it all up and make myself hurt emotionally but in private.



I'm getting deep and angsty again, sorry about that. For all the fate, for all the pain and for what I do go through personally, I do go through a lot of good and quite a few of my friends have pointed this out to me, and I DO believe them. I HAVE had so much fun, mostly with my online friends, maybe it's because with them I can be me without having to worry about the after effects or pleasing anyone or whatever...I'm just me.



Take care people, see you next time!



Currently listening to: Scatman John - Scatman's world