I Can't Cry Hard Enough For You To Hear Me

Hey all hows it goin'?


Sorry for the lack of videoage just lately, I haven't really been in the mood for it. I think a lot of things are catching up with me, I've pushed all my feelings over this break up right down inside of me but it's starting to fight back.

I've been incredibly down the past few days, well week or so, why is it I can't do anything even go work without something reminding me of it? I see him everywhere I go, I think of him in the most unexpected ways, like I can be doing something totally unrelated but suddenly he'll pop into my head and it'll be a killer moment, you know those moments?

Their normally the ones where you think "oh man I wish so and so was here to see this." It's incredibly hard being broken hearted, a lot harder than I remember it being, I thought I'd be starting the healing process by now, but I seem to be stuck in this rut.

I think it's cos I haven't changed my holiday, next week would have been the week I got to see him, for the first time, I'd already booked the time off work and never changed it after we broke up so I have to take it. It's gonna be a really hard week, I think that might be the biggest thing that I'm thinking about right now.

I know over the next 14 days or so I'm going to be thinking of all the 'what ifs' and wondering how I made it all go wrong again. I think I've pretty much beaten myself into the ground over it all, rightly so though.

I went to the cinema last night to see that "17 Again" really good film and a good girly film, good for a laugh. But it's your typical romance story boy meets girl falls in love, gets married, things go wrong, girl gets rid of guy, guy wins girls heart back, happy ever after story. And of course all the sentimental moments had me tearing up at the moment of it.

I'm just finding it so damn hard right now, incredibly emotional over the littlest things, driving to work listening to some tunes even happy ones and I'm tearing up going over and over and over it in my head, what's wrong with me?

I wish I could just fade away, stop this 'just existing' existence. I just don't wanna be here anymore.

I should get ready for another day at work really, take care all xxx




Currently Listening To: Reflection - Christina Aguilera